We assume that the people we love, family, friends and co-workers truly know who we are deep down inside. We think that how we feel and think is automatically and correctly seen by others that we interact with on a daily basis. Sometimes that can be so far off from the truth. How many times have we heard the words, ” I didn’t know you were like that” or “I didn’t know you look at things that way”…. the point being it is so easy for people to misjudge us.

Communication is probably one of the most important tools that we must learn to use correctly. When communication breaks down everything is up for grabs……any miscalculation can solidify. There are so many people who speak different languages and different dialects of that language that it is so easy for one word to mean one thing to one person, and something else to another. Add to that the way we were raised, and our religious upbringings, and it is easy to see how things have become quite messy.

How many people who live together all their lives really know each other? Just because you’re married 50 years doesn’t mean you truly understand the person who shares your space. We keep so much of what we think and how we feel bottled up inside. We assume that the other person must know what we think and feel because we live together. It’s almost as if we believe we can read each other’s minds at will. Well we are not God, we are human, and we make mistakes…. but they can be corrected. Don’t be afraid to ask questions…you may be surprised at the answers.

Ask somebody who is close to divorce what happened? Yes sometimes they did marry the wrong person….but many times the communication between the two of them collapsed. I think it’s very important that members of families take an hour or two a week to discuss things that are on their minds. You may not like what you hear, but at least you’re hearing it. And they too hear you. All points of view should be respected….this involves sitting around a table looking at your family as individuals, not as masters and slaves, or whatever. If you take the time to listen, you may regain love and see things differently. Once you get past the anger, you may find peace.

If we can do this with our families and relationships, perhaps we can do this with the world…..please God.

Take the time to love,

Jennifer Avalon
© 1997 Jennifer Avalon

I try to look at life as one big classroom, a place where we learn about others, ourselves and hopefully the work that really matters. I believe there is a reason why each one of us is here. We are born and we die but what’s really important is what we learn in-between.

Every morning class begins.

We are tested, we interact with our fellow classmates, we share information, we struggle to progress. Some are gifted in one way, some are gifted in another, but as we look around, we start to see the uniqueness and the differences in the contributions we make to this place called Earth. It isn’t perfect, this place called Earth, and yes there are bad students, people who refuse to learn, people in pain, and people who are lost, but they too matter. In this classroom none of us have all the answers, but what’s important is that we try to find them. Effort, in the end, I believe, is rewarded. Yes it is easy to sit back and watch others do the work, but is that what we’re really here for?

So, what is the work of the classroom? To contribute? Help? Or sit back and do nothing? Doing nothing is very easy. The work is giving, loving, sacrificing, understanding, caring and keeping faith, so that we can bring a little bit of Heaven to our classroom called Earth

As we attend class everyday, watching us is God. Our struggles, our successes, our fears and triumphs are noticed. I know many have given up on God, but the Shepherd does feel for His flock. As we move on in life, we take with us all the things that we learn in the classroom. We may never learn everything, but the work we leave behind is so important…it says we were here.

At the end of our lives, we receive our report-card. Some do well, some don’t. But on that card, it’s important that we get an “A” for effort. We may not have done all that we came here to do, but we tried……and God knows if we’ve tried.

Take the time to love,

Jennifer Avalon
© 1997 Jennifer Avalon

We all go about our lives everyday interacting, doing jobs, trying, hopefully, in our own way, to succeed at some level of accomplishment…. but sometimes our choices are not the right ones. We can lead ourselves down the wrong road, cross the wrong street, and before we know it we’re halfway on a journey that at some point we see is the wrong one. Mistakes are miscalculations that we should not fear making. None of us have all of the answers all of the time. But we continue to put tremendous pressure on ourselves to be perfect. Failure, for some, is just not acceptable, but how else do we learn?

Perfection is a trap. It sets you up for the situation that anything short of it is unacceptable. Perfection is also a weapon that can be used by you and against you. For a brief moment, it is obtainable, until the next mistake. A baseball team strives to win the most games in a season. If it wins miraculously all its games that season the team is then set up to duplicate the feat next year. Anything short of winning every game again becomes unacceptable. They are looked upon as losers, even if the number is 99%. So too are we in life.

It’s important to do your work to the best of your ability…to strive to get better…a job well done. But reward yourself along the way….look back and say “How about that! I did it!” To me, life is a journey along a road that sometimes bends and weaves…once in awhile it’s important to stop and look back and see how far we’ve come before proceeding to the next destination. Where the road ends, only God knows, but to get there we need sometimes to reflect and recharge before continuing on. Each one of us writes the book of our lives….it may not be a best-seller but it’s important that it makes a difference. Many of us make a difference, but we don’t allow ourselves to see it.

We’re all too busy chasing what we haven’t done, instead of rejoicing in what we have accomplished. Yes strive to be better, by all means, but don’t lose track of how good you’ve become through your mistakes and insight.

Take the time to love,

Jennifer Avalon
© 1997 Jennifer Avalon

Things these days just seem to keep going faster and faster….there never seems to be enough hours in the day to get everything done, but we carry on and try the best we can. I don’t know about you, but as soon as I learn something the next week there is either an upgrade, an extension, or a continuation to further learn. This has to do with everything…newspapers,television reports, on-the-job learning (computers, etc.) Yes I know progress is important, but it is very easy to get overwhelmed by the amount of information that we are being bombarded with everyday. It is very easy to feel that if we don’t learn fast enough we will be left behind.

The time that we have available often has to be split up into sections…..time for family, time for friends, personal reflection, and work. I recently read an article that said that most working parents prefer time at the workplace to time at home. They look at home as their second job, that is less controllable. These days we have a lot on our plates. Just about everywhere I go I see people just trying to keep their heads above water. Television and magazines, etc. show us people who are wealthy, successful, and short of nothing…the “beautiful people”. I’m sure it must leave many feeling “What did I do wrong?” Why aren’t I “keeping up?” Well most people in the real world are struggling. In 1953 a man on minimum wage could afford a new house, a new car every 3 years, and his wife could stay at home to raise the 2 children. What happened?? Yes I know Wall Street is booming, and the unemployment rate is very low, but something’s wrong with this picture.

I am a singer/songwriter….and I believe artists are supposed to be able to see, reflect, and sometimes offer solutions through their art. What I’m seeing in many people’s eyes is pain, confusion, and disbelief at what is happening around them….almost like a train that has been derailed. I believe that there are two parts to our existence, the body and the soul, and if the eyes are the true “windows to the soul”, then many souls are hurting.

I don’t have all the answers….maybe none of us do….but each of us have SOME of the answers, and perhaps with God’s help we can start to paint a new picture. We’re all in this together.

Take the time to share,

Jennifer Avalon
© 1997 Jennifer Avalon

Every one of us at some point or another are guilty of believing that people we care about will always be there for us and always be available. But I’m afraid that it isn’t necessarily so. Many of us seem to have a tendency to put off things we want to say and do until tommorow….. sometimes we run out of tommorows.
Our mothers, fathers, family and friends are the core that we interact with everyday. We must always realize that there are no guarantees that each one of them will be available to us at will. By thinking that they will always be there, we can very easily take them for granted. The good deeds and the contributions that they make to our lives can sometimes go by unnoticed. We casually can mutter a phrase like “Mom’s always there”, “Anne’s a great friend”, “Isn’t Dad great?” like a programmed response with not a second thought to it.

Then one day, out of the blue, the phone doesn’t ring, the letters stop coming…the person is gone. At that point we begin to realize just how much we’ve lost. The space that’s left in our lives that was once full is now empty. Regret starts creeping into our thoughts that maybe we didn’t say enough to the person while they were still here. Even though it is very hard, and sometimes impossible to change the past, we can change the present. Look around….think about who in your life contributes to your development on a regular basis…and those that you, too, help. “Thank you” is not a very difficult phrase to say…but its meaning to a given person can be tremendous.

It’s okay to tell people how much you need them and how much you love them. Do it while they’re here.

Take the time to love,

© 1997 Jennifer Avalon

My last essay had to do with how important it is to recharge our batteries, so that we don’t run out of energy. This week I’d like to expand a little on that, to bring up the topic of energy levels.
I don’t know about you, but I find sources of positive inspiration vital to my everyday outlook. After a hard day at work, coming through the door and seeing a beautiful painting or smelling a wonderful fragrance can do wonders as a pick-me-up. It’s a good idea to find places around the home that can become sources of positive energy, perhaps like a certain phrase hanging on the wall that brings about a smile to your face and to others. In my case, music can create a wonderful form of atmosphere to relax and inspire. We all need times of relaxation and stimulation.

Because of the level of negative energy we are combatted with every day it’s important that we supply ourselves with at least an equal amount of uplifting sources. I sometimes look at people as little cars, meaning, what kind of gas do we fill our tanks with? What kind of mileage can we expect from the gasoline that we choose? Yes I know some people are going to say, “is she crazy…cars?” But I use the metaphor because, as with a car, you get out what you put in!!

The spirit, too, needs positive affirmation. It’s not a bad idea to keep a Bible and or other forms of spiritual reading material around the house. Yes I believe the soul too can be depleted and need a re-fill.
So the next time you look around your home think about ways to make it a more uplifting environment for you and/or your family….and at work, a flower on your desk, or a special photograph can do wonders for that certain time of the day when you feel depressed or hassled. People do react to the messages you send out daily. Like a pebble thrown in a pond we create concentric circles that affect others, and eventually ourselves too.

Take the time to enjoy,

Jennifer Avalon
© 1997 Jennifer Avalon

Many of us these days live our lives like a rocket, zooming through days, weeks and years stopping for a glance or two to make sure that the coast is clear to continue on at breakneck speed. We rarely wonder if there is ever any evidence left behind to show that we had been at a certain place at a certain time. This time of year many of us enter a season where we get together with friends and family we haven’t seen for quite awhile. We sit around a dinner table saying the same lines and passing the same thoughts as if we’re on automatic pilot. You see, it’s not that we don’t love these people, it’s just that in many cases we either forget to say it, or we feel one day we’ll get around to letting them know how important they are.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if at some point around the dinner table somebody pulled out a video tape or cassette recorder to capture the moments of a special family get-together. I’m not just talking about people joking and laughing, and yes sometimes acting like a bunch of fools, but hearing how we all feel and need each other. It’s not easy to just say how much you love people in front of them, but maybe in some way through our own words we can get the message across. This eventually will take on a life of it’s own. When some of the people have passed on there becomes a record of who they were and how they truly felt. In some way it may help us heal from the pain of our
loss.

I have heard of a number of families who are starting to take this kind of thing to heart. Some are going so far as to start a kind of “family library”, containing photographs, documents, cassette recordings, and now videos as a way to show future generations the family tree as a living legacy. My mother recently mailed me a series of cassettes that my maternal grandmother made before she passed on, telling family stories that wove a wonderful fabric of family history and anecdotes. I will treasure these tapes, and will pass them on to my son at some point. You see, my son didn’t
really know his Great-Grandmother… but through these tapes he now will have a better knowledge of who came before him. How many of us truly know the generations who came before us? Do you know how your great-Grandfather was? How he looked, and what he did to pass the time? Don’t feel bad if you don’t….so few of us do. These family records are important… and what a joy to look back on.

So this Holiday season as you spend time with loved ones, and as you pull out the camera to take pictures, turn on the video or cassette recorder….with time it just becomes more and more valuable.

Take the time to preserve,

Jennifer Avalon
© 1997 Jennifer Avalon

A couple of years ago I mentioned to a friend of mine that in a few days it would be my birthday, so he asked me what was I planning to do too celebrate? I told him nothing special, just to try to enjoy the day. He commented that my birthday should be a very special day to me…it’s my day, and that I should do something special for myself. When my birthday arrived I went by myself to see a movie. I realized that taking the time to be alone for a couple of hours was very relaxing and enjoyable, and I returned home feeling quite refreshed. This got me thinking….that it’s very important that a person takes time, even if they can only spare one or two hours a week, to go off by themselves for a walk, or a drive etc…so that they can colllect their thoughts, and let go of some of the stress.

It’s so important that we make the time, once in awhile, to recharge our batteries. It’s good for our health and emotional well-being. Spending time with family and friends is important, but taking time to enjoy life alone can be equally rewarding. It allows us the benefit of relaxing and returning to our loved ones energized and focused. An empty well can only give so much

Spending time alone is not a selfish act, even though some may feel threatened by it. A happier you can give so much more to yourself and to others. Nobody “owns” anybody and although we do have responsibilities in life to those we love there is only so much we can continue to give without feeling exhausted. These days with both parents working and people at times working longer hours the pressure and stress levels can rise to critical proportions. Sometimes it’s just smart to “cool out”.
It’s okay sometimes to take one step back, so you can move two steps forward.

Fill the well,

Jennifer Avalon
© 1997 Jennifer Avalon

Every morning we get up and go about our day heavily influenced by the things that happen to us. After awhile we start to resemble a bouncing ball that bounces from side to side, never knowing where it’s going next. It seems to be a process that continues year after year, and as we look back we never seem to quite know where the time went. Many times in my life I’ve felt like a sailor on a ship that had no destination or course. The steering wheel turned where it wanted, with no one showing the way. At some point each one of us has to walk towards that wheel, as fearful as it may seem, and grab it and begin to take control of our lives. As we chart our course we have to ask ourselves “Who am I? And where am I going?” One thing I’ve learned along the way is that if I’m not honest with myself about what it is that I want to do with my life, it becomes almost impossible to find a sense of fulfillment and a lasting happiness. I’ve tried to do a number of things in life…most of the time for the wrong reasons. I guess we all become preoccupied with what it is other people want us to be, sometimes even with good intentions. It’s important at certain points to stop and listen to your heart. In my case, I’ve always loved writing songs…songs that say things, not just something with a good beat. It took me awhile to accept that this was what I must do with my life. Part of the reason it took me awhile to accept this was because it meant taking risks. I am currently at work on my third album. The letters that I have received from people regarding my first two records are the fuel that keeps my ship going and on course. In my life I find spiritual guidance and personal reflection a very valuable source for the times when I get scared and feel that I’m losing my way. With God’s help, the answers come, and my music keeps evolving. My ship sometimes sails through stormy weather but what keeps me going is that somewhere on the horizon I know I will see the sun. Very rarely is there smooth sailing all of the time. We must battle our storms…but the journey must be undertaken so that we can see how important and needed we are as individuals. So if you haven’t already, don’t be afraid…take control of your ship. Sail the sea to your destination and discover the wonder of who you are and what you can be.

Good Sailing!

Jennifer Avalon
© 1997 Jennifer Avalon

As many of us have come to realize, overall there are basically two types of people….those that are here to help bring people together through their actions and those that will do everything in their power to keep people apart. The choice is made by each one of us. There are many out there who are making incredible efforts to make our world a better place and to point out to us the things that we lack so that we can personally contribute to others and to ourselves to repair the damage when needed. Yes, making a living is important, but underlying most of our actions are other contributions that we make to society. Positive thinking people have realized that it is a dead-end street to keep barriers up between human beings. The question is, can we continue to go forward without first healing the divisions that surround us as a society?

There are those who spend many waking hours looking for ways to find fault and to ridicule. They scrutinize every word and every action to search for the point where they can contribute the element that is needed to set up a roadblock, hoping that through this action it will encourage others to follow. Fear and hate are very powerful weapons. Once they get a hold on your system they can spread through a person like a cancer. If the person is willing, there can be a cure.

Each one of us, sometimes week by week, make the choice on who it is we are to be. It’s not easy being optimistic but it is a position of strength. It’s very easy to find fault in everything, and to show others no sign of hope.

At the end of our lives, what is it that we’ll look back at? How we made a difference for the good, or how many notches we have on our belt for the damage we’ve inflicted?

Take the time to love,

Jennifer Avalon
© 1997 Jennifer Avalon